Anguish

There is anguish in the world. This anguish can lead to God or no God. Even though my doubts about God are greater than they have ever been I still have to believe he exists. If he does not than my anguish is all there is. I am consumed by it. I am consumed by the unfairness of it. Some people don’t know anguish. They live in their happy little worlds and live their happy little lives. But then there are those of us who seem to breathe the anguish in. It surrounds us. God needs to exist. Without God there is only cruel imbalance between happiness and anguish among us. I can’t accept this. Though, sometimes I do. I sit in the dark, read Nietzsche, and believe this is all there is; unbearable anguish in a meaningless universe. But something miraculous always seems to happen in these situations. This thing called hope appears like a light in the dark. And isn’t having hope better than accepting the squalor of our nothingness? Doesn’t hope point to a God who is with those who anguish? Now of course we can choose to believe that there is no God because what kind of God would allow anguish in the first place? I greatly sympathize with this question. But again I think hope is better. Even if God is a lie at least I have hope. Ultimately the point I’m making is that my anguish is all the evidence I need for God. I suffer therefore I am and therefore God is. And God is because I need him to be.

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Attachment

‘Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.’ – Yoda[1]

Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader partly because of attachment to his wife, Padmé.[2] He was afraid that she was going to die so he completely gave himself to the dark side, thinking that would save her. The irony is that she died of a broken heart because of his turn to the dark side. He killed her out of a desire to save her. If he had let go of his fear, she would not have died.

Do not be attached to a relationship. You can become an angry, bitter, and selfish person. Don’t be afraid to lose someone. You do not own that person. ‘But until I let you go, I didn’t know you were never mine at all.’[3]

Do not be attached to the past. Don’t be like grandpa: ‘Well back in my day….’ The past is gone, never to return. The only thing you have is right now. You can’t be attached to the memories of yesteryear. You can’t believe the lie that all your best moments are in the past. You still have this moment. The past is not an excuse to ignore the present. ‘All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’[4]

Do not be attached to comfort. Change is good. Free the fear to find the faith.

Do not be attached to money. All money is Monopoly money. It is the root of all evil and has destroyed humanity.[5] It will not buy you happiness.

Do not be attached to the world. ‘We live in but a shadow of the real.’[6] Everything you see in this place is temporary. It will not last. Look beyond to permanence.

Do not be attached to yourself. You are not special. You are not different. We are all the same. We all have beating hearts. Love one another.

What else are you attached to? You must let go of these attachments to move forward. We must all let go. If we don’t, like Anakin, we will destroy the very thing we sought to save. We will not have light in our lives but only darkness.

We must not have attachments to anything.

In conclusion, here are the words of someone who is even wiser than Yoda. He also teaches against attachments: ‘Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves a son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.’[7]

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[1] Yoda says this to Anakin in ‘Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.’ He should have listened!

[2] ‘He turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.’ – George Lucas (TIME Magazine interview, 2002)

[3] Lyric from the song ‘My Exit, Unfair’ by mewithoutYou

[4] The words of Gandalf the Grey in ‘The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring’

[5] 1 Timothy 6:9-10

[6] Lyric from the song ‘Of Dust And Nations’ by Thrice. Referencing C.S. Lewis.

[7] Matthew 10:37-39

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