Archive for May, 2020

I don’t believe in God like I once did. Instead of being my Father he has become a distant concept I’d rather not face. I’m too lost and alone to understand Love. How I long for the days of unrelenting faith. No matter the circumstances. No matter the doubts. What must I do to inherit eternal life? I’m afraid I don’t know anymore. I want God but I don’t want God. What have I become? What has brought me on this path? Sin and distraction. It is clear the seed has fallen amongst the thorns. Yet I am so choked by these thorns that I don’t see a way out. Or rather I don’t believe there is a way out. I guess my desperate prayer to this distant concept called God is a prayer to overcome my unbelief. Somehow. Someway. Because I recognize my need. And I probably should be very grateful for this feeling of need because I think this feeling of need is hope. And isn’t that what we all need? Hope. In this confusing chaotic place.


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