Archive for January, 2014

There is anguish in the world. This anguish can lead to God or no God. Even though my doubts about God are greater than they have ever been I still have to believe he exists. If he does not than my anguish is all there is. I am consumed by it. I am consumed by the unfairness of it. Some people don’t know anguish. They live in their happy little worlds and live their happy little lives. But then there are those of us who seem to breathe the anguish in. It surrounds us. God needs to exist. Without God there is only cruel imbalance between happiness and anguish among us. I can’t accept this. Though, sometimes I do. I sit in the dark, read Nietzsche, and believe this is all there is; unbearable anguish in a meaningless universe. But something miraculous always seems to happen in these situations. This thing called hope appears like a light in the dark. And isn’t having hope better than accepting the squalor of our nothingness? Doesn’t hope point to a God who is with those who anguish? Now of course we can choose to believe that there is no God because what kind of God would allow anguish in the first place? I greatly sympathize with this question. But again I think hope is better. Even if God is a lie at least I have hope. Ultimately the point I’m making is that my anguish is all the evidence I need for God. I suffer therefore I am and therefore God is. And God is because I need him to be.


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