Archive for February, 2012

There are moments when I choose to reject G-d. I look up to the sky and I scream, “There is no G-d!” I do what I want to. I give in to all my selfish desires. It’s easier to just give in. Why believe in G-d when I can just believe in nothing? Nothing means I can do whatever I want. Nothing means there are no consequences for my actions. So for a moment I pretend there is no G-d and I sin. I reject the One who made me. I give up on everything good. Evil is easier. I am too weak as a human being! I can never be totally perfect. And this bothers me to the point that it can actually make me sin more. My unrealistic and unattainable pursuit of perfection harms me. If I can’t be perfect than I might as well just sin more and more! This is the mindset I get into sometimes. I know this shouldn’t be the case. I know I should realize that I can never be Jesus. I am who I am. It’s just so frustrating to live in a world surrounded by temptations. I can’t go anywhere without seeing sex, ego, superficiality, money, fame, lust, selfishness, and many other worldly things. How am I supposed to be like Jesus when all of this crap is around me? I become blind so easily to the truth. I get distracted. But I can’t simply blame it on the world because these evil things are inside of me. It’s my choice to either follow G-d or not. I’m so inconsistent. One moment I follow Jesus the next I follow myself. So how dare I talk about Him! I am the biggest hypocrite of them all. I publicly express my love for G-d but secretly I hate Him. What is wrong with me? I guess I’m human. And I think I ask too much of myself. If I mess up once I become too frustrated. I get too down on myself. I forget forgiveness. I forget the Cross. Jesus came here to take my place. He came to take my guilt away. I have to remember that there is always a new beginning. There is always grace. My sin is forgotten. I can’t let guilt push me further and further into sin. I can’t give up. I have to start over. And I will have to do that constantly. No matter how hard I try I will never be perfect. Jesus is my goal but I know I will never attain His character fully. I just have to keep trying. I have to repent and repeat.[1] If I keep trying maybe one day I will be close to Jesus. All I can do is beat my chest and say, “G-d, have mercy on me, a sinner.[2]

[1] “Repent and repeat” is a lyric from the song “The Only Survivor Was Miraculously Unharmed” by Underoath.

[2] Luke 18:13


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If you’re a Christian and your life is easy than you should rethink whether you’re really a Christian or not.

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”[1]

Huh, Jesus?

If I find my life I’ll lose it?  But if I lose my life I’ll find it?

Backwards! Upside down! Revolutionary! Extraordinary! Difficult!

It seems to me that Jesus is saying that the life you find in this world is temporal and unsatisfying. There is another world to live for. A world that is permanent and gratifying. The world behind the world. The world of Jesus. The Kingdom of G-d.

It’s easy to live for the world because that’s the life everyone lives. It’s the life that everyone close to you has lived before you. But didn’t Jesus say something about this.

“Truly I tell you, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of G-d will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”[2]

There is something more than dedicating your life to marriage and family, which consists of so many worldly distractions. So leave the comfort of your parent’s home! So leave your ambitions for a wife and a family! These things are good but there is something better.

The problem is it’s harder.

Why do we pursue worldly things first?

Why do we make Jesus second in our lives?

Is this really Christianity?

We sacrifice Jesus for the world when we should sacrifice the world for Jesus.

Jesus is something more. He requires more.

We worship a Jesus that says to take up a cross and follow Him[3], but instead we take up ease and mediocrity. The cross is bloody and painful. The cross is a burden.

But we’ve made Christianity easy.

Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve.[4] We are called to do the same.

“If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall”[5]

But look at the church! It’s all about being served to. All you have to do is look in the church bulletins. All you see are programs after programs geared towards this. But we are called to be slaves![6] We are called to leave the four walls of the church and serve people not ourselves!

It’s easy to sit in the pews and settle for religion.

But there is something more.

If Christianity is easy than Christ is not in you. You should be in turmoil at all times because you have a choice everyday to either follow the world or follow Christ. Should I buy that or should I give to the poor? Should I get back at that person or love him? Should I look at her lustfully or with purity? Should I get married or stay single? Should I judge that homeless person or give him money when he asks? Should I be arrogant or humble? Should I be selfish or selfless?

So many choices! Do we take the time to think about them or even recognize them?

Do we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear?[7]

Have more righteousness than the Pharisees![8] Go beyond the easy religion of Christianity to the difficult way of Christ!

And there you will find your life.

[1] Matthew 10:39

[2] Luke 18:29-30

[3] Matthew 16:24

[4] Mark 10:45

[5] Lyric from the song “January 1979” by mewithoutYou

[6] Matthew 20:27

[7] Matthew 13:16

[8] Matthew 5:20

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This is my thought after the thought. Maybe I can date somebody. Maybe I just haven’t found the right girl. This is the problem! The girls that I have dated in the past have ruined my faith in womanhood. But should I be so quick to judge the whole female gender because of a few bad apples? No! It’s easy to be bitter. It’s easy to generalize. If G-d brings me a woman that He meant for me than all of the fears I have about dating and marriage will fade away. It’s possible that there is a woman out there who will love me just as much as I love her. It will be the kind of love Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 13. My hope is that she is out there but at the same time being single makes sense. So what do I do? I don’t know! It seems to me that I should just let whatever happens happen. I should be careful when I say, “Never!” G-d brought Eve to Adam and He could do the same for me. But if He doesn’t than so be it! I am so confused. My thoughts on this topic endlessly change from one extreme to the next. All I can do is live and concentrate on Him. G-d’s will be done.

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